Relief Society Nauvoo Trek

This past Tuesday and Wednesday our Relief Society went to Nauvoo to do a handcart trek. I know that many of you have had the opportunity to do a pioneer handcart trek as a youth or as a leader of the youth, but I am guessing that very few of you have ever done it with your small children - unless you went this week with my ward!

Some Facts...
- It was hot, 94 degrees without the heat index. In fact, I found out the next day that it was over 105 that afternoon - with the heat index - because they closed the wagon rides because it was too hot for the horses!
- We were under a wind advisory. Wind gusts were expected of up to 40 miles per hour. Hindsight for me is that I am grateful for the wind. It really was nice to have some breeze to cut the insufferable heat.
- We started our trek at 12noon, and we finished about 4:15pm - the hottest part of the day. It was also during naptime for every child under about the age of four, which was a LARGE number of the kids.
- Many of my friends had three and even four kids that they brought, and several (3?) of the women were pregnant. We did not bring strollers, and the trail conditions were such that riding in the cart was quite dangerous. A few babies (4?) were carried in hiking backpacks, but the rest walked or were carried the whole way. The oldest person who went was our company commander who was 78, and the youngest was 10 months.
- I did not bring Brennan. I opted to make it a Mommy-Collin date. My mom came into town and kept Brennan at home - in the air conditioning - for the two days we were gone, and I'm glad I chose to do it this way.
- Husbands were not invited, as we were striving to reenact the widowed women who made the journey. A few adult men (3?) accompanied us as priesthood holders and doctors, but all in all it was women and children. Thank goodness for the young men who were assigned to each company. They almost exclusively pulled the carts while the mothers tended to all the children.
- We wore pioneer dress. Collin just wore his church clothes - khakis and a white button-down shirt. I made a silly skirt, and wore an apron and bonnet from my mom. When I was pushing or pulling the handcart, I kept tripping on the hem of my skirt and nearly pulling it off. I swear the pioneers would have been more comfortable and safer if they'd been in jeans, lol.

- The total distance was three miles. There were rocks/boulders, downed trees, roots, creeks, steep inclines, and cow pies everywhere. It was definitely not for the faint-hearted. I had even hosted several "trek practices" under the guise of playgroup the last two months at the trails around our town here. Last Friday we even did two miles, but it was not very good preparation for the trek. These were rough conditions.

The Schedule...
We all arrived on Tuesday morning about 10ish. We set up our tents in the campground and ate sack lunches. Then we drove to the Visitors' Center where we left our cars and walked to the handcart trek start. There we were welcomed, had a prayer, and were split into companies.

Collin and I were in the first wagon of the first company, so we were blazing the trail! Often times our cart was responsible to know from which direction to approach a creek or hill. The carts behind us definitely learned from our mistakes.

Every so often there would be a placard attached to a tree. Sometimes it would give us a location to pretend we were at. They were approximations of the percentage of the pioneers' total distance compared to our total distance. Other times the placards would have a quote from a pioneer diary. Sometimes there would a PVC tube hung from a tree which had a longer diary entry to sit and listen to.

After about three hours, one single adult from the ward was sent to "bring in the Saints off the plains." We were under the false impression that we were almost done when she found us. Unfortunately, we were only done with the rough terrain, and nowhere near done with the walking. Three miles doesn't sound long, but it was FOREVER.

Towards the end, several members of our Relief Society who couldn't do the walk did little vignettes of situations the pioneers would have faced. It was a great idea, but we were super hot and kinda grumpy. We just wanted to keep moving. I wish they had been more spread through the trail instead of all being stacked right at the end.

As soon as we were done, Collin and I trucked to the car and turned on the a/c full blast. Collin was dying to play in the tent, so we headed back to the campground and got out of our pioneer clothes and into shorts and tshirts. You wouldn't believe how comfortable they felt! 

We had watermelon while waiting for dinner, sloppy joes. There was birthday cake for one of the youth too. Then we had a fireside, minus the fire. It was so hot. There was a little dancing too. Afterwards, we all had dutch oven peach cobbler. Delicious!

Seeing as all the preschoolers were WASTED (not to mention the mommies!), we all went to bed about 8pm. Collin didn't fall asleep until it got dark, closer to 9pm, though. As always I was awake most of the night, taking several 20 minute naps. I just can't sleep anywhere but my own bed. Sigh. It was crazy hot too, even after dark. Collin was up with the sun at 5:30am, so we broke camp and had cereal.

About 10am, we headed over to walk the Trail of Hope. I love looking up at the temple while reading the placards. Where the road dead-ends to the river, the kids all threw rocks. What is it with kids and rocks?

While walking the Trail of Hope, Collin saw the wagon rides pulled by horses. He really wanted to go, and since he'd been so good the whole time, we headed to the Visitor's Center to try to get tickets. We lucked out and made it on the next wagon. He really liked the horses and wasn't afraid at all.

We left Nauvoo about 1pm, and Collin quickly fell asleep in the car. We hadn't had lunch though, so I stopped and got fast food, which woke him up after only about 5 minutes. He stayed awake the rest of the two-hour drive. When we got home, Brennan and Collin immediately started fighting, so I put them both down for naps about 3:30pm. I woke up about 6pm, and Mom had made dinner. Brennan ate with us, but I opted not to wake Collin. Are you ready for this? Collin didn't wake up until the next morning! Fourteen hours. He slept 14 hours. He was exhausted. What a trooper.

And my Summary...
We have a tendency to think of our little Collin as lacking in the tough department. We've always thought he was more on the frail, whiny side of kids. I STAND CORRECTED! He was amazing.

He only whined/cried once. We were walking along a dusty gravel road (a "short cut" to avoid some downed trees on the real trail), and the wind was really going. We were all getting dust in our eyes, and he started crying because it hurt. I totally think it was justified to cry. Before and after that, he just trudged on. When he needed a break, he asked me - without whining! - to carry him.

He walked probably 90% of the way. He was a gem; I am SOOOO proud of him. Great job, Collin!

His favorite part was the camping, of course. I asked him if there were any parts he didn't like, and he quickly replied that he hated "the walking part." Ha ha.

I was also really proud of how outgoing he was. We held a seven-year-old's hand on the trail for quite a bit of it. He also played duck-duck-goose and hide-n-go-seek with the other kids, and he listened to an older girl read to a group of kids. He even joined the dancing at the "fireside." Miracle. He doesn't usually associate with the other kids, but he was really social this trip. Yippee!

In Sheena's words...
Go me. Go Collin. Go pioneers.

The End.

"The burdens which were laid... were made light"

I don't usually bear testimony on my blog, but I have had such a profound experience these last difficult seven weeks, that I would be remiss if I didn't record my testimony somewhere. If you are uncomfortable with religion, I hope you are not offended by my following remarks. I feel strongly that the hand of God has been at work in our home, and I have the desire to share.

***

When Ryan was first called away (April 30th), we were both in disbelief. Our shock quickly - and all too easily - became anger, bitter and hateful anger. We lashed out at the lazy union and the money-hungry corporation. We murmured about the family-hating negotiators. We were angry.

The first Sunday in May we fasted together that he would be sent home quickly. We wanted our burden removed. We each attended the temple multiple times that month - never together, of course and unfortunately - seeking the Lord's blessing upon our family to allow us to be together.

We now stand humbled; we were asking for the wrong thing.

In the Book of Mormon, we read about a righteous people who were striving to live the Lord's commandments, yet they were placed in difficult circumstances in which to cope.

We read, "...he exercised authority over them, and put tasks upon them, and put task-masters over them." We too have felt helpless under the restrictions of this assignment from Ryan's employer. And like Alma's people "so great were [our] afflictions that [we] began to cry mightily to God."

One particular day in the temple stands out to me. I was sitting in tears, feeling lonely and sad for myself, praying silently for my husband to be allowed to come home. Without warning, I felt an overwhelming peace come over me; I was calm... I felt quiet. At the time, I interpreted this quiet peace as the Holy Ghost assuring me that Ryan would be home soon. But as the weeks continued to lengthen, I felt confused.

One evening Ryan and I were talking on the phone, and he gently proposed that maybe we'd been praying for the wrong thing. He suggested, and I hesitantly accepted, that we start praying to be able to cope with our trial instead of asking for it to end. What a blessing to have a righteous priesthood holder leading our family.

I changed my prayers, and as they changed, I felt my burden being lifted. I started praying that I would be able to do it - happily take care of the kids' basic needs, show them my love instead of my stress, have the strength to sleep less and do more, and get the chores done and find time to play with them too.

I feel certain that caring for the boys has become easier, and I have been astonished to find that life without Ryan has become smoother.

Please don't hear me wrong: We love Ryan, and we still desperately want our dad living in our home again - waking each morning with us, having our bowls of cereal together, praying together as a family before entering the wicked world each day, coming home each night, eating dinner with us, praying with us before retiring to bed, loving us and being with us, doing Japanese at bedtime... and everything else our Daddy means to us. We want him back home more than anything. Happy Father's Day, Babe. We miss you.

But yes, life has indeed become less traumatic and heart-wrenching. Do the boys still fight? Do they still make enormous messes for me to clean up? Are they filthy and need a bath constantly? Have they run out of clean clothes every week this month? Yep. But all of this has become bearable.

I am coping, and the Lord is making me capable.

"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

I now stand as an additional witness that the Lord God does indeed visit His people in their afflictions. He has come to us, here in little who-really-cares Illinois. He is helping me take care of two crazy boys - His Spirits - all by myself. Seven weeks ago I NEVER would have been able to care for my kids day in and day out all on my own. And quite honestly, I still am not.

I have been surrounded by those who have been God's hands. Our neighbors and our ward members have offered babysitting, dinners, lawn-mowing, play dates and help with putting the kids to bed. My parents, my siblings and my in-laws have offered words of encouragement and listening ears. I've even received flowers twice! They have buoyed me up. They have served as Christ would if He were amongst us, and they have been instrumental in lightening my load.

"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

Do I have bad days (...or strings of bad days, lol)? Do I forget how much easier it is now than when he first left? Do I sometimes waiver when I pray and just desperately beg for Ryan to come home? Yes, yes, yes. I'm not perfect. But I have learned so much about the love of our God and His desire to come to us and teach us about love, His true and abiding love.

"And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage."

And one day, sooner or later, Ryan will be home again; we will be delivered from bondage. He will be home, and this strange few months will be something we look back on and... laugh about. Yes, we will smile. We will be able to bear testimony in classes and in talks and in lessons about "that time when Ryan was away" and how our burdens were lightened that we would be able to bear them.

I look forward to looking BACK on this time instead of living through it, but I know that the Lord has made it easier. He has lightened my burdens as I have came to Him in humble, fervent prayer and as I have tried to do what is right. 

Though the anger still returns from time to time, I know that the hand of the Lord has been watching over my family, strengthening us and making our burdens light. Though we do not know when the Lord will see fit to remove this burden from our backs and deliver us from bondage, I know that He will continue to comfort and strengthen us to bear it.

(All quotations can be found in Mosiah 24.)

Life as a Young "Widow"

(Is my subject title too crass? Perhaps. Sorry if you've been offended.)

So we haven't stopped living since Ryan's left. In fact, looking back through this pictures, I see we had quite a nice Spring, despite being Daddy-less. Enjoy the photo collage...

VISIT TO A PRINCESS

Our babysitter who lives next door invited us over for pictures before her Senior Prom.

As you can tell from the photo, Collin couldn't have cared less. My lady's man, Brennan, was enthralled with the jewels on her dress.

Sadly, Anthea is graduated now and off to bigger things. Congrats, Anthea!

JOLIET - MOTHER'S DAY

After Ryan's first two weeks gone, he headed to his hotel in Joliet for a visit. It was Mother's Day too. I got flowers and chocolates, and Ryan brought my breakfast up from the hotel's lobby. The boys couldn't get enough of their dad. We also spent a whole morning in IKEA getting my future craft corner outfitted. I can't wait! All in all, it was a bittersweet trip.


ST LOUIS

After returning from our visit to Joliet, I repacked and we headed to my parents' home outside of St Louis for the following two weeks. We went to the zoo one day. It was hot, but Brennan was in heaven.

He loved all the animals and laughed and pointed at each one. I love the curiosity at this age.
Collin didn't really care about anything, until...

THE TRAIN! Oh my goodness. Even a month later, he's still talking about riding the train "at the zoo by Grandma's house." He LOVED it.

Another day we headed to the children's museum (The Magic House).


Tunnels

Sand table

More tunnels

More sand

Mud things

Collin loved the construction equipment from "Daddy's Caterpillar work."

My dad had to work most of the time we were there, but we did celebrate his birthday one night. We got KFC for dinner and went to the park to feed the ducks.

Shout out to you Morello kids: Remember always going to Hoover Dam to feed the ducks? Good times.

As you'd expected, Brennan ran towards the ducks yelling and chasing them around. Collin ran away as far as he could - up to the top of a hill - squealing in terror. Are everyone's kids as night and day as mine?!

We also did the obligatory cake, candles and singing. And don't worry, by Collin's request, Grandpa only pretended to blow out fire on top.

The kids "worked" in the backyard almost constantly too.

My boys loves mud, rocks, shovels and rakes. They were in heaven.

AT HOME

Of course, we've spent a good portion of time at home too. I found this toy lawn mower at our neighborhood's garage sales, and the boys fight constantly over it.

Side Story: Remember my problems with lawn mowing? Anyway, we bought a self-propelled mower about two years ago, and the propulsion promptly broke. Ryan tried to fix it, and it still didn't work. Then we paid someone $100 to fix it this spring, and - surprise - it still didn't work. Immediately Ryan was called off to save Caterpillar from destruction.

I went out one afternoon that first week during nap time to tackle the quickly-growing forest. It was hot that day, and the mower was crazy heavy. I was tired - physically and emotionally - and Collin watched out the front window the whole time - instead of napping. After completing the front yard, I ran out of gas - both in the mower and in myself. I hunted all over the garage for the gas can, and then gave up and went in to tell Collin to get to sleep. That night I asked Ryan where the can was, and he then remembered that he had both our gas tanks in his truck... in Joliet. He was supposed to get gas on his way home from work that day and mow that night, but given the great notice we had of his capture, all that had been forgotten. Sigh.

Anyway, the next morning I went to Home Depot and bought a gas can. Then we headed to the gas station to put gas in it. (Sounds easy, but you other moms with young kids know that any "easy errand" is bound to take ten times longer and be ten times harder with the kids in tow.) Anyway, it rained that morning, so I couldn't finish during nap time. I figured the whole neighborhood was now eyeing the lawn trying to figure out what the heck was going on after 36 hours of it being partially mowed.

I was right because our good neighbors across the street offered - and I accepted! - to swing by and "grab the back." I was so thankful. That night we had a ward activity, and at Ryan's insistence, I hired several of the young men to come by each week and do it. Unfortunately, after about a month, having them do it wasn't working out for either of us. I got a few quotes from companies already working yards in our neighborhood, and for the same price I was paying the YM to use my gas and mower, a company now comes by to do it. Perfect.

We've spent a lot of time in our beautiful backyard (and it's neatly trimmed grass). The grass has come in the tree line around the swing set, and it all looks amazing. The boys have enjoyed swimming in our plastic pool a few days too. Here they are drying off in the shade of the trees.

We've also spent a good amount of time at the library, where we sadly must say goodbye to our friend Tricia. She's been the children's librarian since Collin was Brennan's age, and Collin is super sad to see her go.

Thanks for everything, Trish! Good luck in Texas.

CONCLUSION

And that's just a quick overview of how we've been spending our time with our dad away. I'll post soon about some coping strategies I've adopted. Maybe they'll be helpful to someone else out there.

17 months... going on 17 years

Brennan is a huge lady's man - total flirt with moms in their twenties and teenager girls. And he always gets his way. Look at that smile!

He also has the attitude and opinions of a teenager. See that sass? (albeit covered in mud)

 Here he is in a rarely-seen mellow time - during a postponed nap time.

And then he's back at it again! Run, run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me: I'm BRENNAN!

 And don't forget the constant lecture demanding more goodies.

And despite being the younger brother, he has taken on the role of "man of the house" while his dad's been away.

 

Oh Brennan. What will the next years bring? You are one of a kind. Love you, Little Man!