I have now been unemployed for a month. As a school teacher, the guilt certainly hasn't begun to set in. I'm expecting it around the end of August.
As the unemployed wife, I have many tasks now which I used to pawn off on Ryan. For instance, I now have to do the grocery shopping. Before I was pregnant, we'd go together and see how quickly we could get through our lists and meet at the register. My first trimester, Ryan saved me and allowed me to privately puke at home while he experienced the varied smells of the grocery store. But now, I must venture to the grocery store on my own each week.
Another task I have recently acquired is mowing the lawn. Today was my first experience with this new job. I was supposed to mow it last week, but my parents came to visit, were thoroughly repulsed, and my dad saved the day. (THANKS DAD!)
Let me give you a not-so-quick run-down of my morning:
8:15 Open the garage and look at the mower.
8:20 Try to start the mower three times.
8:25 Decide that since I can't get the gas cap off, it must not need gas.
8:30 Find the bag, scratch my arm on the handle, and attach it.

8:35 Look at the front yard and discover a man with a measuring tape stretched across our front yard digging a hole in the neighbor's yard.
8:40 Sit down in front of the tv to watch The Today Show.
9:00 Look out the window and discover the "digging" man is gone.
9:01 Open the garage and look at the mower.
9:05 After trying to start the mower three times, I find the squirt can Ryan told me about in my foggy early morning daze.

9:10 Examine the mower to see if I can figure out where to squirt it, go inside, and send a text to Ryan asking him. Sit down to watch more of the Today Show.
9:30 Open the garage and look at the mower.
9:35 After trying to start the mower twice, I start squirting the can all over the sides. (didn't I see Ryan do something like this two weeks ago?)
9:40 On the 2nd try, the mower starts!
9:50 After mowing half of the front yard, I release the handle to empty the bag, and the mower turns off.
10:00 After trying to start the mower three times, I get the squirt can, squirt it all over, and yank the cord. It starts.
10:10 Finishing the front yard, I release the handle to empty the bag, and the mower turns off.
10:11 I try to start it, it doesn't start, I get the squirt can, I squirt it all over, and I yank the cord. The mower doesn't start. (Neighbors, what do you think of the weak, new girl who can't mow her lawn?)
10:13 I go inside, get a drink of water, and send a text to Ryan: "Never mind."
10:15 I casually stroll back to the beast. I squirt. I yank. I rest. I squirt. I yank. I squirt. I rest. I yank again. (Now the neighbors must really be enjoying their morning show...)
10:20 I squirt. I yank. Nothing. No luck. The dang thing won't start.
10:30 I join Drew Carrey for the Showcase Showdown.
11:00 I venture back out armed with packing tape and a blade. I strap the handle down and squirt all over. I yank, and it STARTS!
11:10 I release the bar, which is safely taped in place, remove the now-full-again bag (Why don't they make the dang bags bigger anyway?!), and get sprayed with grass. The front wheels are spinning. I am holding the bag in one hand, and I am desperately attempting to release the knob which engages the forward wheels. Then I see it: "Engage bar, then engage wheels." Oh, do you mean the bar I securely taped down so I wouldn't have to yank anymore?! That bar would probably have to be released to make the stupid wheels stop spinning, wouldn't it?
11:12 I drop the full bag of grass (which dumps out), attack the mower (which has now dug a hole in the yard with its spinning front wheels) firmly with two hands, and decide to forget the stupid bag!
11:30 The task is done.
Didn't think mowing the lawn could be so eventful, did ya? That's what you get when your husband finds a broken mower on the curb with someone's garbage, spends 1/2 of a day fixing it, and insists it's as good as a new one.
I'd disagree.