Breaking my Silence

***

Tuesday, May 1^st

Did I mention in THIS post why Ryan was in Joliet? THIS may be a good clue.

Caterpillar trains their non-union employees as contingency workers in case a union doesn't ratify their new contract. And that happened last night. They all walked out at midnight, and Ryan took his spot at 12:20am.

Monday was going rather peacefully - a typical day for our little family. Then HR called Ry at 2pm while he was at his REAL job, he was home by 2:30pm, packed a bag and booked a hotel, and he was gone by 4:30pm.

Yep. And we have NO IDEA when he'll return.

He will be working 12-hour shifts (11pm-11am), 7 days per week (That's every Saturday and Sunday) for at most (fingers crossed) six weeks. After a six-week strike, Caterpillar claims they'll bring in an outside company to cover the factory jobs and lets their educated work-force return to the positions they've been hired and educated for.

Will he be home tomorrow? Maybe. Will he be home the middle of June? Maybe.

I hate that we didn't have any warning. We had plans for this week, not the least of which was getting our lawn mowed. I do not handle unscheduled events well. I've done a lot of crying. We are in survival mode around here.

I think what I hate most is that we can't go visit him, and he can't come home for a visit. When he departed, we thought he'd be doing 8-hour shifts (11pm-7am), 5 days per week. We thought I could bring the kids for the weekend like last time. Now he's just their slave - a pawn in their stupid negotiations game.

Bye-bye finished basement.

Bye-bye elder's quorum president.

Bye-bye my 5k training.

Bye-bye Daddy.

* * *

Wednesday, May 30th

And he's still gone. He's had just 3 days off all month - After 14 days, Cat did give him Mother's Day off, and we headed to Joliet to see our MIA Dad. After another 14 days, Cat gave him Memorial Day off, and he was able to come home for the first time in a month.

And so it goes. Today the Union rejected an new offer from Cat. It seems our Dad may never move back in.

Cat's "6-week and your home" promise is impossible. The company they planned on getting workers from to replace fill-ins is just a temp agency for unemployed street thugs who can't pass a drug test. They've hired 3 guys so far from them. Three.

We've missed a month of family activities, and Ryan has missed spring. We missed our 5k. Collin will miss his fishing derby this weekend since it's a mandatory weekend again for Ryan. We have a family reunion we've already purchased air tickets for over the 4th of July. Say goodbye to that too. Our permit for the basement expires next week. We'll have to buy a new one. We've had to hire the young men from church to do our lawn too. And so the money keeps getting flushed...

But it is more than the money. We want our dad back. We want our lives back. Ryan is miserable and lonely. Sleeping when the sun is up and working all night will do that to you. And of course twelve hours on your feet doesn't help either. The boys are acting out terribly. They miss their dad but can't verbalize it, and so they just fight with me and each other all the time. I'm lonely and cry all the time (like right now...). We're all so tired and frustrated.

We miss you, Dad. We just want you home. Give us our dad back. Is that too much to ask?

A Marathon of Miracles

He said. She said.

Yep, you read that title right. RYAN DID A MARATHON! And he did awesome, and words cannot express how proud I am of him and how good he did and how totally cool he is and how in love I am with him. Yeah, I just said that. He's amazing, and he's all mine!

So someone else who is amazing is our friend Munah. I started visit teaching her when she was a 17-year-old freshman here at Bradley. I was 7-months pregnant with Collin, and she's been our friend ever since. The boys loves her.

Anyway, she babysits for us sometimes, and she said yes when I asked her to come stay Friday evening through Saturday evening at our place so I could go and cheer for Ryan. That's right, she kept my kids for almost 24-hours so I could be a cheerleader, and so she's is also SUPER AMAZING!

* * *

Alright, now for some information about the actual marathon.

So Ryan left work about 3pm on Friday (Miracle #1), and he and I got on the road to Champaign about 4:30pm. The forecast was for rain and wind, and we said numerous prayers for the wind to calm down and the rain to pause for the four hours of his race.

We got his bib picked up and race tag checked about 7pm, and then we headed to dinner. We were starving and Olive Garden (carb loading) had a 45-minute wait, so we got on the road again to go to our hotel 45 minutes away. There were seriously no towns until we got to the hole of Danville, IL (last stop before Indiana), and after much GPS-searching, we ended up at... wait for it - Big Boy. Sad - central. Anyway, it was already 8:30, so we ate quick.

When we finally got to our hotel at 9pm, Travelocity had messed up our reservation and put us in a smoking room (if you know me, this is the END OF THE WORLD), but (Miracle #2) someone had canceled and we got their non-smoking room. Thank goodness.

We were directly across the hall from the pool & spa, so we headed down (it was 9:15) for a quick soak. We finally got into bed at 10:30pm.

Setting the alarm before going to bed, I kept thinking about that Seinfeld episode where Jerry is supposed to wake up the African guy for his marathon but they all sleep in. It was funny on the show, but it definitely wouldn't be funny in real life.

I'm sure it's no surprise to you that 4:30am came all too quickly. We got up (Miracle #3) and dressed in layer upon layer and checked out. The hotel made a special exception for "the marathon-ers" and had breakfast all out and ready to go at 5am. (Yes, that does mean that the hotel that far away was filled with other runners.)

We got back in the car for the haul back to Champaign. It poured rain the whole way there. More prayers for the elements to be tempered.

We arrived about 6:15, just as the rain turned to a sprinkle (Miracle #4). The wind was still pretty vicious, but we used the restroom, and Ryan de-layered. I added each of his layers to my own (ha ha), and we headed to the start line.

By this time I was getting super excited for him.

I actually was starting to feel a little anxious. I don't know the last time I was nervous, but this was it.
Thankfully, I wasn't cold except for my thumb holding my water-bottle (ha ha). The rain had completely ended (Miracle # 5).


The start was grouped into corrals by estimated finish time. Ryan was in Corral D, but he stood toward the front since his training had caused him to feel more confident he could finished between 3-1/2 to 4 hours.

Mile 0

At 6:45am, someone sang the national anthem, and Ryan headed to the middle of his corral. I waited for the start gun, but it was just a lame voice saying, "Ready, Set, Go" for each corral in turn.

After he started, I headed back to the truck and grabbed my bike. I was a little turned around at first and headed the wrong direction, and by the time I got to our first rendevouz point (Mile 5), I realized I had missed him.

Devastated, I rushed to get to another spot so he knew I hadn't forgotten about him. Here's the first time I saw him at almost Mile 11.

Mile 11

He was all chipper and doing awesome.

As soon as he passed, I hopped back on the bike and headed to Mile 13. I'm not much of a map-reader, and I accidentally went to the home-stretch for the half-marathoners instead of one block up where the full-marathoners turned off, and I missed him again. Oops.

Frustrated, I started off again to Mile 19. This was the longest bike for me, and it was uphill and windy, and I prayed for Ryan the whole way. I waited forever for him. Here he is just before Mile 19.

Mile 19

When I asked how he was doing, he replied, "I feel great," and it sounded like he really meant it.

At Mile 23, he looked tired for the first time.

Mile 23

He even stuck out his tongue in exhaustion, but I missed that part on the camera. This is when I started to worry.

At Mile 20, I hit a wall. I needed to use the restroom, but I was afraid if I stopped I wouldn't be able to get started again. So I stopped drinking and pushed on. This was my biggest mistake. In hindsight, I wish I had stopped to use the restroom and kept drinking. I had been on pace for a 3 hr 35 min finish time, but at Mile 20 my pace was almost a 10-minute mile!

I met up with him again at Mile 25 1/2, and he was looking good.

Mile 25

At Mile 23, I finally stopped to use the restroom. I was probably only stopped for 30 seconds, but it made all the difference. I felt awesome, though tired, again.

By this point, I was feeling confident enough to bike along his side (no cops had yelled at me yet), and I rode along with him until the last few hundred yards.

The race ended at the 50-yard line of the football stadium, and I couldn't go on the field. I was sad I missed his finish.

Having Linds biking along with me the last mile or so was more helpful than her cheering in the stadium. I needed more motivation... and there she was! Thanks Babe!

I rode back to the car, locked the bike in the bed, and walked back to the stadium. I couldn't find him for the longest time, and by the time I did, he was a frozen popsicle.

He stripped off his wet clothes and took all my extra layers, and we headed out of the stands and into the sheltered area to try to block the wind. After some food, we headed out of the stadium.

Literally as we stepped out of the stadium, the first rain drops started to fall (Miracle #6). It rained on the drive back to Peoria.

The boys were good for Munah (Miracle #7), Ryan made his goal time (Miracle #8), I was able to cheer him on, and it was totally awesome.

I finished in 3 hours 44 minutes which put me in the Top 25% for my age-group. I was pleased, but I still wonder how I would have fared if I'd stopped at Mile 20 when I first had to use the restroom. I think I got pretty dehydrated when I quit drinking in the effort to save my bladder. I bet I could have done an even 3-1/2 hours...

I'm already getting a group of guys together to do it next year.

Shoes

I've been thinking a lot about shoes this week. Brennan has gotten to the stage where he always wants to be going somewhere, and he's constantly bring me his shoes or my own shoes. He even gives Collin his shoes to try to get us out the door.

We also FINALLY just got a DSW here in little Peoria, and it's right by my house. Hooray! I popped in last night with a friend, and we reminisced about the shoes of our days gone past.

So, What if my old shoes could talk?

Dr Martens sandals, 2000 

Doc sandals: I bought these handsome sandals as a senior in high school. I had a crush on a tall guy, and I felt confident in my tallness. They have a two-inch raised heel. I wore them for 11 summers. I still miss them (which might explain why they are in a box in the basment and not in the garbage).

Dr Martens flats, 2000

Doc flats: Enter the flat docs. I bought these when I had a crush on a short guy, and I needed to try to be as short as I could. They have no sole to speak of, and I still wear them in the winter.


Pumas, 2002

Pumas: These babies were purchased my sophomore year in college. I was dating a "skater," and I loved to wear my tight Dashboard Confessional tshirt with my Pumas. Now they are my yard-working shoes, as you can tell by the filth.

These last three pairs of shoes has gotten me wondering, Are all my shoe-purchases hinged on the boys in my life?


Black flats, 2009

Black flats: Yep, these were purchased in direct consequence to Collin's birth (and accompanying screaming). Standing and rocking the C-Man for all three hours of church just about did me in, and flats were all I wanted. Check - another pair purchased for a boy.


Boots, 2011

Boots: I purchased these boots just days before Brennan was born. Another boy-induced pair. I was fed up with trying to tie my shoes over my huge belly, and I remembered my good friend had loaned me her boots at the end of my first pregnancy.

Of course, how many pairs have I purchased just for comfort then?


Ronald McDonald shoes, 2002

Red shoes: Yep, I actually own these. And no, they were not purchased for comfort. I was becoming better friends with my older brother during this semester of college, and he's an artist. Need I say more?

Despite this post focus on my shoes, I'm not actually a "shoe person." Compared to girls with a closet just for their shoes, I'm an embarrassment. In fact, I really just have a few pairs I consistently wear:


1 - brown dress shoes

(black flats already pictured)



2 - black dress shoes

3 - sandals

4 - running shoes

Now it occurred to me in DSW last night that I need a new pair of tennis shoes, which will bring my "wear all the time" shoe-count to a grand total of FIVE. I need a comfortable, daily pair that works with socks - for rain and wintertime.

Hm, what if I returned to my faves from middle school?


Converse

Sambas

Yep, pretty sure I have to buy one of these this fall. I'd be one rockin' mom, right?






So, what would your shoes today say about you? Why did you buy those shoes in middle school, high school, college or a decade ago? You knows the ones I'm talking about! Spill it.

I Work Where Ann Romney Works

Dear World,

Life is all about the people you love.

I work all day, every day.

I work nights and weekends... every night and every weekend.

I will never retire.

I don't get raises.

I don't get sick days or vacation.

I don't get annual bonuses.

I am a psychiatrist, taxi driver, cook, maid, ringmaster, babysitter, seamstress, teacher, and nurse... and I don't get paid a dime.

We are each entitled to our choices, and this has been mine.

And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Love,
The Greatest Threat to Feminism (aka A Stay-at-Home Mom)

PS: Do I think I'm better than a working mom, a single mom, or any other kind of mom? Of course not, but I'm not lesser either.

Easter

The boys were blessed to participate in three egg hunts this year.

One

The first was during playgroup the Friday before General Conference. I forgot to take the camera outside, but the weather was beautiful.

Each mom brought six "filled" eggs for each child goin' huntin'. Then one other mom and I went outside and hid them while the kids decorated bunny bags. Then the kids were set loose to find six eggs. After they found their allotment, they helped the little ones get the rest of theirs.

Brennan didn't quite get it and ended up picking up landscaping rocks and putting them in his bag too. Whatever. Collin had to help him get his six.

Brennan also had no idea there would be candy inside. Imagine his happiness when we went back inside to eat. This kid loves his sweets.

Two

The day after General Conference, Collin and I dyed eggs in the afternoon. That evening, Ryan read an Easter story from the Friend, while I went out in the backyard to hide the dozen. Once again, they were to each only find six.

Brennan has a hard time walking in our lumpy backyard, so this hunt was frustrating for him. The handle on his basket was too long too. Bad mom.

He looks pretty happy in this pic though.

Collin found his six quickly...

... but was super disappointed that this egg hunt yielded no candy. He was also thoroughly disgusted by hard-boiled egg for our FHE snack. (Ryan let him have some candy from the playgroup hunt to console him.)

 
Three
Our last hunt as in a friend's backyard the day before Easter. She'd filled hundreds of eggs, and the daddies hid them everywhere.

By our third hunt, Brennan was a pro. He grabbed his basket and went to town! He found eggs for a good 30 minutes. 

Slow and steady wins the race. Look at this turtle's take!

Collin, on the other hand, got the "maximum of six eggs" rule so solidified in his brain that he quit just as he got started. 

 He sat down and started eating the chocolate. This hare definitely lost.

And the Real Thing
And then the Easter Bunny came. We had Stake Conference Easter Sunday, so I didn't do the cute matching clothes or bunny ears photo, but Ryan did manage to get Collin's training wheels on while I was at the adult session Saturday night.

Collin got a new helmet too, and Brennan officially inherited all of Collin's old biking gear. The picture sucks, but you get the idea.

Now we just need a decent day to get out and ride!

Hope you had a happy Easter.

Us

COLLIN
Collin is awake pee-trained. He holds his poops until nap time or bedtime when he has a diaper on. I'm counting this as a success. He needs a nap every day, but he won't take one. That means I have a monster on my hands all day. He insists on waking up at six every morning and waking up his brother in the process. He is demanding about when, where and how he wants everything. I want to give him away. His allergies are in full-swing but he refuses to take his Claritin.

BRENNAN
Brennan is 15-months old. We don't get along. He screams anytime he doesn't get what he wants, which is all of the time. He swings hard things (PVC pipe, wood chunks, shovels, screw drivers, play hammers, etc) at me and Collin all the time. He cries a lot. I get frustrated a lot. We don't get along. He doesn't eat anything but fruit. He only naps in our closet. He naps well there (sometimes 2 hours in the morning and 2 more in the afternoon), but I'm tired of having all my clothes on the floor, and I want my room back. He is beyond stubborn and throws worse tantrums than you can imagine. He has diarrhea again, and it always lasts several weeks with diaper rash. He hates being changed or being dressed, and it's a constant wrestling match. I want to give him away. His allergies are in full-swing, but hopefully his Claritin will help.

RYAN
He continues to plug along as an engineer, elder's quorum president, lawn-care provider, basement electrician, marathon-er in training, father to two monsters, and husband to a witch. It's too many titles for one man.

LINDSEY
I'm grumpy tonight. Can you tell? My allergies are in full-swing, it got cold outside again, we ran out of cell minutes for the month, I'm on my period, and my boys cry/complain/whine/fight all day every day. Don't I have a right to be grumpy?

House Full o' Stock

Last week our great friends from Madison were able to come visit. Their daddy had a conference in St Louis, so he dropped the family (3-year-old, 1-year-old, and Mommy) here Wednesday evening.

Thursday morning we were brave and ventured out to the library for story time. Our library does a story time where the parents remain in the building, but the children over three go to the story time alone. I love it! Lane and Collin did great, and we were able to hang out with the babies.

Thursday evening Jenn and I went shopping for some toddler activities for General Conference. Here's what we came up with... Each time one of the "Big 15" gets up to speak, the child finds the bag with the person's photo on it. They get to play with that activity until it's time for another bag. We have coloring pages, connect-the-dots, lacing cards, bead necklaces, stickers, magnet-folder matching, Bible trivia, etc. We'll see how it goes this weekend. Happy Conference weekend!

Friday morning I got to take Collin on a Mommy Date while Brennan napped. We went shopping at Kohl's (funny he doesn't mention that part when he tells people he got to go on a date), to Sonic for lunch, and to Toys R Us to play with the Thomas track afterwards. He's such a sweet boy when he's got my undivided attention.

Friday night Ryan and I went to see Hunger Games. Yahoo! It was fabulous. We put Brennan down before we left, and Jennifer put the big boys to bed afterwards. Great movie.

We also went as families to Robot Brawl on Saturday morning. This has become a family tradition of ours. It's super dorky, but we love it, so I guess we are just super dorky! It's in the  basement of the museum but has free admission. The team is made up mostly of college kids, but some of the Cat engineers are ring-leaders.

If Ryan had free-time (ha ha), this is how he'd like to use it.

Saturday afternoon Jennifer treated our family to a photo shoot, as you saw in my previous post. Isn't she amazing? What a cute little family I have.

We also spent a lot of time eating delicious food. Jennifer loves to cook, and she loves to go to the farmer's markets. We got to enjoy her talents, and I'm still full!

 

Most of the time was spent letting the kids play and the moms chat. It was great.

Sunday morning we all posed for a photo before church, but Mr. Williams was MIA - Ward Council before church, Scout High Adventure meeting afterwards, and two PPIs in the evening, sigh.

Jennifer and Dave are moving this summer since Dave will get his PhD in May. Yippee! Many happy trails to our friends the Stocks.

The Midwest - especially the Williams - will miss you!

Family Photo Shoot

Happy Spring

from the Midwest!

Favorites of the whole family

Favorite of the boys together

Favorites of Collin

Favorites of Brennan

Thank you, Jennifer! They are beautiful. Now I finally have family pics with Brennan hanging in my home.

Do you have a favorite?